


Fractured Lives: Those Intermediary Years

by Rakuyou_Tenshi (Citrus_Luver)



Series: Fractured Lives [2]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Child Abandonment, F/M, Growing Up, Hermaphrodites, Hurt, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kid Fic, M/M, Medical Trauma, Second Chances, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-05
Updated: 2018-04-13
Packaged: 2018-10-15 03:58:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10549704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Citrus_Luver/pseuds/Rakuyou_Tenshi
Summary: Two months since Jim left the best thing in his life.  Just when he thought he could forget and move on, the past comes crashing back on him in the most unexpected of ways.Or...The years between Tarsus and Starfleet...





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thus begins the second part of first fic in the series...

It had been two months since Jim arrived in Los Angeles, the city of angels, the city where dreams were born.

Not that Jim had any dreams.

In fact, he rather not dream at all because his dreams were all nightmares.  

Nightmares about Tarsus…

In the two months, Jim had found work at a family run sushi bar near old Hollywood.

He walked the streets that the stars and living legends traveled through from the days of yore.  

His backyard was the Hollywood walk of stars, the old studio lots where they made moving pictures, and the old theaters.  

Jim had to work hard to contain himself at times.  

He always had a fancy for old things from vintage music to vintage motorcycles and cars.  He sometimes wondered if it was his way of trying to relate and form a bond with a man he never knew.

His first free day, he had climbed through the reclaimed forest leading up to the decaying Hollywood sign up on the hill overlooking the city.

A newer, bigger, shinier Hollywood sign had replaced it, more for symbolism than anything less.  Pictures were rarely if ever made in Los Angeles anymore.

Los Angeles was a funny city.  It was unlike most of Earth’s cities where modernization had overrun most of the ancient buildings that had survived the wars.

Jim found himself walking through time here.  One moment he could be walking under glass building that reached the clouds and the next he could be walking through history.

And he loved it.  

He loved every minute of it.

He loved waking up to the smell of miso soup.  He loved washing out the daily rice for the sushi.  He loved working the hibachi grill.

And for a while he thought it could continue like this.

But he was Jim Kirk.

He should have known better.

Jim was stubborn, but even he had to admit that something was wrong.  He initially attributed his weight gain to finally being on solid ground and eating non replicated food.  

His waist and hips were filling out.  His pants and shirts were no longer fitting properly.  No matter how many laps he ran in the morning, at lunch time, and at dinner time he couldn’t seem to shed the weight.  

Then there was the fact he almost spent a month feeling miserable.  The fish smell made him nauseated throughout the day, which was horrible since he was surrounded by it all day.

For once he was scared.  Scared that something was actually wrong with him.

However he refused to go to a hospital.  Kodos might have changed him, but that didn’t mean he had changed his genes.  Jim trusted doctors about as far as he could throw them.  He didn’t know what tests they would run on him.

However even Jim Kirk found himself giving in.  He finally snatched a medical tricorder from the first aid station and ran it over himself.

He froze at the readings.

He fucking froze.

It couldn’t be right.

It wasn’t possible.

But there was a tiny uneasy feeling in his mind.  

Telling him that it was possible.

Because technology, even the most advanced technology, could fail.  It wasn't a hundred percent effective.  

Hell, he, himself, was a rare, genetic anomaly.  A number so small that shouldn't be possible but was.

But still…

His hand shook.

The word on the tricorder seemed to be glaring back at him.

_Pregnant…_

_Pregnant…_

He was pregnant with Bones’ baby...

Which was the best and worst thing that could happen.

He knew the history.  He knew from growing up.  The world still feared the unknown.  Kodos might have messed with his below parts, so we would have to spend the rest of his life as a female, but his genetics were still there.  

His meager education taught him that genetically males and females differed by an X.  A baby meant tests.  A baby meant DNA testing.  Kodos, as much as he tried, hadn’t altered his DNA.  The glaring Y chromosome was still there.  

If he went to a doctor, they would find out.  A pregnant male was a gift, a medical breakthrough in making male pregnancies an actual possibility.  It would mean endless tests.  

And he couldn’t, wouldn’t do _that again._

Similarly, the Aito’s were old fashioned people.  He noticed the way they had tried to pair him up their only son Michiko.  He had heard the conversations of how their children would inherit the bar.  It would be their wedding present

Once he found Granny Aito digging through her closet full of kimonos.  “This was my wedding gown.  It’ll look so lovely with your blue eyes and blonde eye.”

He would have to leave.

That night…

However as he walked through the back porch, he wondered if he should have left an explanation.

He stopped when he heard a noise.

“I guess there is nothing I can say to keep you here.  You take care of yourself and the little one.”

He nearly tripped over when Granny Aito walked out from the shadows.

“Don’t look so surprised child.  Didn’t you know medical tricorders store their last diagnosis?”

Jim blinked.  “I…”  He wondered what else she knew about him.

“You give that baby lots of love you hear?  A child changes everything.”

Jim nodded.  

“Where are you going now?”

Jim hadn’t thought past that moment.  As he looked at Granny Aito with all her years of wisdom, Jim thought of his own family.  The ones that he had left behind and the ones that had left him.  

He thought of the tiny child growing inside of him.  He thought of Bones in medical school, and what he would think.

How this would affect him.

He shook that thought from his mind.

“You’re meant for greatness, child.”

Jim laughed.  He had heard those words so often that he no longer believed it.  

Because he had never done anything great.

“Here.”  

He caught it.  He looked down to see a pair of keys.

“It’s not much, but she’s strong and reliable.  She’ll get you to wherever you’re going.”

“I…”

Granny Aito placed her hand over his, closing his fist that contained the keys.

“Take it, as a gift.”

“Thank you.”


	2. Chapter 2

He didn’t know how Grandma Aito acquired her, but Jim wasn’t complaining.  She was beautiful.

She was jet black with silver highlights.  

A heirloom from the past…

She purred and turned easily to Jim’s touch.  It was like they had known each other for years.   

The first thing Jim did after leaving the Aito’s was visit a 24 hour drugstore where he bought a bottle of prenatal vitamins, the gummy version that tasted more like candy than supplements, a pack of water, and a box of protein bars.

The thought of not keeping the baby wasn’t even an possibility in Jim’s mind.  

He knew it was reckless and stupid since he was barely fifteen.  

But it was Bones’ baby…

As for telling Bones, that was a completely different matter altogether.  There was no doubt in Jim’s mind that if he told Bones at it that Bones would definitely insist on being there, helping him, and God forbid ask him to marry him.

Their interactions made Jim very much aware that Leonard was the definition of a southern gentleman.

Now the idea of being Mrs. Leonard McCoy was an enticing thought.  As he rolled down desert highway, the name rolled down his mind.  

But he quickly stamped away that thought.  

Because he couldn’t do _that_ Bones…

Bones was going to be a doctor.  He was going to go far.

He couldn’t take care of a baby.

It had to be an all or nothing thing.

This was for a best.

He would tell him someday.

Someday…

Just not today...

That was the last thought on Jim’s mind as he fell asleep under an ancient Joshua tree.  The stars glistened over his head.  His hand rested over his abdomen.

He dreamt of a baby girl with Bones’ smile.

 

XXXXXXXXXX

 

He awoke late in the morning feeling miserable.  The sun was almost at the top of the sky.

His stomach churned and twisted.  The first thing he did was throw up the last of his dinner.  A bitter aftertaste stayed in his mouth that even water wasn’t able to chase away.

As he dry heaved into the sand, his stomach grumbled and roared.  He needed food that wasn’t protein bars.  

He also needed to get out of the scorching hot sun.  He could already feel his face getting warm.  He had always been pale.  In Iowa, he hadn’t noticed it, but on Tarsus he had burned frequently.  

Back before everything went to hell.

When it was summer, and he was having fun with his friends.

His friends…

Some of the first friends he ever had before Bones, Mae and Alex.  He threw up again as Jack’s face appeared in his mind.

He placed his hand over his abdomen.

And he swore that he would protect his baby from harm.  He would never let his child experience the horrors he had.

He would rather experience hell and high water before he let anything happen to his baby.

_Bones’ baby…_

He shook that thought from his mind.  He relieved himself under the tree.  One of the things he missed…

He chased that thought away.  He couldn’t think about Kodos.

Kodos was gone.  Kodos would never find him.

He gathered his things and started his bike.   It was another hour, almost two, before he found a small diner by the side of the road.  

It was small thing, easily missed from the sky.  The walls blended in with the desert.  It looked like it had been built from material collected from its surrounding.

_Maybelle’s Diner…_

The words read from the flickering neon lights.  The only thing that didn’t fit in.  

There were only two cars parked in the front and neither were hover cars.  In fact, they looked like antiques, like his own bike. One was a convertible, and the other was a truck.

Jim ignored it.  His stomach was twisting and turning in protest.  He parked his bike and walked inside.  He was blasted by cool air and old music from the past.

There were only four people inside, three customers, a young couple and an old man, who were all sitting at the ‘bar’ and the waitress.  

As he entered, he saw how all their heads turned to look at him.  He felt his face flush red.  

It seemed he wasn’t interesting enough as they quickly turned back around.  The waitress walked over.  She was chewing gum as she grabbed her PADD.  “Bar or booth?”

“Booth,” Jim answered because he didn’t want to be stared at.  It seemed to be the wrong answer because her face glossed over.

“Bar?”

The smile returned.  “Right this way.”

He was seated at the end.  “What will you be having?"”

Jim blinked.  He hadn’t even been given a menu.   He glanced over at what the couple was eating.  “Waffles, bacon and eggs.”  His stomach growled.  Jim blushed red.  “A plate of hash browns and a glass of orange juice?”

“A lumberjack.”  She called out and then left.  

“Only thing they serve.”

The male half of the couple piped up.  Jim noticed in the time he had placed his order his partner had disappeared.  

“Shut up Paul.”  The waitress looked up.

“Just telling it how it is, Nance.”

“You leave my customer alone, Paul.”

The older man snorted.

“You got something to say, Greg?”

“Nope.”  He sipped at his drink.

“That’s what I thought.”  With that, she turned and walked through the door to what Jim guessed was the kitchen.

“Don’t mind Nance.  Maybelle knows how to cook.  Best damn diner for miles.”

Jim noted how he said miles instead of kilometers, an unit of measurement that had mostly been phased out.  

“Only diner you mean.”

Paul, the younger of the two, rolled his eyes.  He dropped his fork and moved into the seat next to Jim.  “So, what’s a pretty girl like you doing all alone.?”

“Paul Taylor, you leave her alone.  You hear.  Got enough girls with their hearts broken in this universe on account of you.”

The woman half of the equation appeared.  “Aww Liz.  Just being friendly.  She seems alone.”

He winked at him.  “This my baby sister, Liz.”

“Ten minutes apart, Paul.  Elizabeth, please to meet you.”  She smiled at him.

Jim smiled back.

“Ji… Jane,” Jim slid into his other name easily.

“Gigi, that’s a good name.  Nice ride too.”  Jim hadn’t even noticed Paul had walked over to the window.

“Thanks.  It's Jane.”

“So you’re a wanderer too.  You should come with us, J.”  Jim noticed how easily he slipped into using nickenames, like his name didn't matter.

Which in this case, it didn't.

“Paul.”

“You want to leave a pretty little thing like her alone?  There are bad men out there.  Could take advantage of her.”

Before Jim could answer, Nance came back with his platter.  Before he seen tasted his first bite he could tell that it was going to be delicious.  It smell like heaven, like morning, like Earth, and with a hint of regret… like home.

Because for all the bad things, there had been good parts of home.

The farm…

Sam, when he was nice, before he became angry, before he ran away…

His mom when she wasn’t angry or sad…

Before Frank...

Jim shoved those thoughts to the back of his mind and dug into his food.  He was halfway through his food when he heard a small pelt of laughter.  Jim looked up to see Nance smiling. Greg was laughing.

“Careful girly, or you’re going to choke.  You look like you ain’t eaten in years.  Nobody is going to take it away.  Nobody’s going to starve you.”

_But they had…_

His mood darkened.

He remembered how hungry he had been on Tarsus.  He remembered how skinny the colonists had looked.  

He had been hungry once.  

The screams…

The blood…

The fire...

He gripped his fork so hard it almost bent in half.

“Leave the girl alone.  Breathe kid.”  It was Liz.  She was drawing circles on his back.  He felt his heart slow down.  His breathing slowed down.  He looked up.

“T...thanks.”  His voice trembled.

“You’ll be alright.  Come on, let’s go.”

He watched as they left.  He was glad he didn’t have to give them an answer about coming along.

Because even though he had for a second entertained that possibility, it had left him now.

He was bad for people.

He rested his hand over his abdomen.  He just hoped he wasn’t going to be bad for his baby.  

Because the baby would need him…

And as selfish as it sounded, he needed the baby too.  

Because it meant he was finally getting the one thing he always wanted.

What a part of him that he mostly ignored always wanted.

A family...


	3. Chapter 3

With his belly full, Jim was ready to figure out what to do.

Maybelle’s Diner was far in the distance.  The desert spread out far and wide into the distance.  It made him uneasy now that it wasn’t dark.

It reminded him of Tarsus.  Of what he had left behind.

And then because he was alone with only his thoughts, he had to think about what he was going to do now.

There had been a reason he almost considered going with them.  Because it was someone, someone to take him out of his thoughts.  

To make him forget…

Being on the York, first working in engineering and then later Bones, had given him the distraction he needed.  Now, he had neither.

And it all came crashing down.

When he went to sleep that night, he dreamt.  He dreamt of Kodos finding him.  Telling him it was his baby and not Bones’.   He dreamt of Kodos taking his baby.

He dreamt of his baby learning what he had done.

Hating him…

Leaving him like everyone else in his life...

He awoke with a dry scream and tears rolling down his eyes.   The first thing he did was wrap his arms around his abdomen.  Because even though it was barely noticeable, more fat and bloating than baby, the fact it was there.  It was growing was enough for Jim.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t the first night Jim had that dream.

Every night he fell asleep, he had that dream.  Because he knew it was bad for the baby if he didn’t sleep, it was the only reason he forced himself to sleep.  He forced himself to close his eyes and to dream that horrible nightmare.

While during the day, he found himself riding aimlessly through the rugged landscape.

One day, without realizing it, he found himself in Arizona.  Before him was a vast canyon cut by a raging river.  The late afternoon sun made the walls sparkle like diamonds.

He had never seen anything so beautiful in his life.

He had read about it in his books, but to _see_ it with his eyes was a completely different matter altogether.

Because it was beautiful.  The walls looked like gold, and the river that ravaged and cut through the walls even after all these centuries glistened like diamonds.

“You want to go down to the bottom miss?”

He turned, startled.

He found a man in large sombrero and cape standing in front of him.  It was a tall man with a ghastly scar on the side of his face.  Jim couldn’t help but look at it.  It was rare in this day and age with the existence of dermal regenerators for people to have scars.

“Got a family who wants to make the trek down tomorrow morning.  Got room for one more if you’re interested.”  The man pointed in the distance.  “Take you on my mule.  The way people in the past used to.  Two day trip, spend the night at the bottom.  What you say, miss?”

Jim bit his lip.  It was tempting, but he couldn’t even imagine the cost.  He could only imagine it was more than he had.

It seemed the other understood.  “You look strong, like you’ve spent time around animals.”

That was true though now that Jim thought about it, it had been a while, before everything went to hell on Tarsus.

Jim nodded.

“It’s a big family.  I’ll need help taking care of the mules.  You help me, and we’ll call it even.”

Jim blinked.  He was tempted to ask why, but instead he nodded.

Because he really want to go.

Under different circumstances, he would have just walked, but in his condition he didn’t think that was a good idea.

“You can park your bike out back while we’re gone, miss?”

“Jane.”  Jim supplied.

“Rich.”  He responded offering his hand.  Jim took it.  The man’s hand was hard and worn by calluses.  It reminded Jim of the hands of the farmers back in Riverside.

_Riverside…_

It had been a long time since he thought about _that_.

Because Riverside meant Frank, and Jim didn’t want to think about Frank.  He definitely didn’t want his baby anywhere near Frank.

Jim followed the man.  He pushed his bike along.

When they reached Rich’s cabin, Jim met the other family.  He was surprised.  He had been expecting humans… not well Andorians.

Jim immediately noticed they were a bonded set.  There was four adult Andorians, two who in human terms were male, the thaan and chan, he remembered.  The other two were female, the zhen and shen.

“Hi!”  Jim felt two warm bodies collide against each one of his legs.  He looked down to see two near identical Andorian children beaming up at him.  Their tiny little antennas flicked back and forth.

“Thotia, Tottia, leave the girl alone.”

“It’s okay.”  Jim beamed at the two  zhens and then at their parents.  The zhens giggled.  

They let go of Jim’s legs, so he could walk but followed behind him like twin shadows.  Rich showed him where he could lock up his bike.

“It’s pretty,” the one called Thotia commented.  

“What is it?” Tottia asked.

Both zhens looked genuinely interested, not the feigned interest he was used to getting from grown ups.  It was the type of interest he only saw in children, not that he wasn’t still one himself.  He wasn’t sure when it happened but somewhere along the way between Sam leaving and himself leaving Bones, he stopped thinking of himself as a kid.

“A motorcycle.”  He responded..  

The zhens looked at him with that, that didn’t explain anything look.  “It’s like a bike but it’s automatic,” he tried again lamely.

He had never been good at describing things.  That had always been Sam.  Sam, the older brother, who had years of experience explaining things to a little brother.

It was the second time he has thought about Sam that day.  More than he has thought about him in a long time.

Jim shook that thought from his mind.

The zhens seemed to accept his answer well enough.  They trailed behind him like a pair of shadows as Rich showed him a room to leave his things.  He didn’t question why Jim had so few things with him, for that Jim was grateful.

He thought for sure they would lose interest when Rich took him to the barn where the mules were housed, but they didn’t.  There were fifteen of them.  They were old mules, but sturdy and sound.  Jim could tell from how they seemed to shine.

“Too many for you?”

“No,” Jim shook his head.

“Good.  Dinner is at seven.  We’ll leave at sunrise.” With that, Rich turned and left.

“He’s rude,” one of the zhens stated.

“And smelly,” the other zhen pulled a face.

“He’s a cowboy,” Jim tried to explain.  The zhens looked at him.  “A bit.”  With that the zhens and Jim burst out laughing.

Jim caught himself in mid laugh.  He realized this had been the first time in a long time he had laughed.

Not since Bones…

_Bones…_

He placed his hand on his rounding abdomen.  The only thing he had left of Bones.  

He felt a tug on his pant leg.

“You okay?”  Thotia asked.  The zhens had identical frowns on their faces, their antennas twitched.

Jim pulled a smile.  “Yeah.”

“Tottia, Thotia, come eat!”  A distant voice called.  The zhens put on a pair of disappointed looks.  

“We can play after dinner.”

He was awarded with a pair of smiles before they ran off.  However he wasn’t alone as one of the mules nudged him on the side.  

“Yes, yes.”  Jim reached for the bucket hanging on the wall.  And almost like he done it everyday, which he had before this all started, he slipped back into the role of an Iowan farmboy.

Rich came back a while later while he was mucking out the troughs.  He watched for a couple of minutes before leaving.  When he did,  Jim knew he saw a rare smile on Rich’s face.

Jim almost forgot he had promised the zhens he would play with them until he had finished caring for the mules and eaten his meal.  Someone had set out a tray for him when he wasn’t looking.

It had been delicious, cornbread, meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and green breads with a cup of coffee to wash it all down.

But the zhens were waiting eagerly for him as he walked back to the guest houses.  They had such bright smiles on their faces Jim didn’t have the heart to tell them how tired he was.  

He was tired.

Which surprised him,  because he used to be able to do so much more.  He wondered if it had to do with his pregnancy, and he hadn’t regained his physic after Tarsus.

“Play?”  The zhens asked, running to him.

“How about a story instead?”

“Story?”  The zhens pulled a face.

“I don’t want one about princesses.”

“Or love.”

Jim took the zhens’ hands, one in each.  “That’s okay.  I know tons of stories without princesses or love.  How many a story about…”

 

XXXXXXXXXX

 

Jim awoke the next morning to the sound of a rooster, beady eyed and sore.  His limbs hurt.  He could feel the burn of his muscles.

He crawled out of bed.  As he padded across the room, he caught his reflection in the mirror.  It had been a long time since he looked in the mirror.  He avoided mirrors like a plague.  It reminded him of what Kodos had done to him, of what he had taken from him.

But now, he couldn’t help but look.

There was a fullness to his face, one he never had before.

A slight sheen on his skin…

He wondered if that was the fabled pregnancy glow.

His abdomen was rounding.  He shyly lifted the edge of his shirt and placed his hand over his abdomen.   

Where his baby was growing...

Where soon he would be able to feel it move…

There was a knock at the door that startled him.  He quickly lowered his shirt before going to the door.  He opened it a crack to find Rich there.

“Good, you’re awake.  We’ll leaving in a hour.  Make sure the mules are packed and ready to go.  You can find the packs on the patio.”

Jim nodded his understanding.  

_Another day…_

It took two before they could set off.  

It was warm, and the cook had warned him it would only get warmer when they got deeper into the canyon.

It was a pretty ride down to the start of the trail and even prettier as they started their descent.

Rich took point while Jim took the back.  He made silly faces at the zhens that caused them to laugh.

They were thankfully naturals on the mules.

Still, it took almost all day to get to the bottom of the canyon.

And that…

That was something Jim had never seen before.

The sheer walls on both sides.   The lines and striations from the years of corrosion from the raging crystal blue water that even now surged through the canyon, carving out the land.

And it would for hundreds, thousands, and millions of years from now…

And here he was standing at one point of a line…

“Play with us!”  The zhens tugged on his legs.

Jim looked down.

“I’m sorry.”  Their mother came up to them.  She placed a hand each on the zhens’ shoulder.  “They are bothering you again.”

“It’s no bother.”  Jim smiled back then at the zhens.  “I like playing with them.”

“And then story?”

“Of course.”

“What did you tell them?  They wouldn’t stop talking of how good your story was, and they normally hate stories.”

“Jane’s stories are the best.”

“The best!”

Jim blushed.  He looked apologetic as the zhens dragged him off to play.

There was plenty of tears when the two day trip ended.  Not for the vacation ending, but for Jim.  The zhens didn’t want to leave him.  They begged him to come along, that they had a big house.  

Their parents looked apologetic as they packed them into their hovercar.  The last he saw was of the zhens waving to him.

And him waving…

_Another goodbye…_

His life was filled with goodbyes…

Then it was just him and Rich.

“There’s nothing I can do to make you stay, huh?”  Rich asked as he handed him an envelope.

Jim blinked, unsure to say.  The agreement they had to start hadn’t included exchange of payment.

It seemed Rich understood.

”Take it.  You did more than you needed to.”  He folded it into his hand.  “Buy yourself something good to eat.  The little one needs it.”

Jim paused for a moment then nodded.

Rich laughed.  “Good luck kid.”

“Thanks.”

Jim took the offered hand.  

“But if you ever need a job, the job is yours.”

“Thanks.”

 

XXXXXXXXXX

 

The Grand Canyon wasn’t the only place Jim went.  

He found himself in Mexico a week later, climbing through the old ruins of Palenque.  Then he traveled east to the beaches.  

He found odd jobs to live off of, working at bars, car shops, cafes, and stores that needed a spare hand.  He had always been a charmer.

He would have kept going, seen the world, one ancient ruin, one city, and one landscape at a time.  

However, then...

It all changed…

One early morning...

There were many things in Jim’s life he would never forget.  The day he made that girl scream by the pond in Riverside.

The first time he saw his mom’s face when he said he wanted to be a starship captain.

The day he learned what happened to his dad.  

The day Jack died.

The day he buried Joanna.

The day he met Bones.

Just looking at his list, it was obvious all the bad things in life greatly outnumbered the good.

But now… he finally had another good thing to add to his list…

In fact it was a wonderful thing…

It was the first night in a long time he hadn’t had a nightmare.  He knew because he didn’t wake up in a cold sweat, gasping, his throat raw from his dry, silent screams.

In fact, the only reason he had woken up was because he felt a strange sensation from his abdomen.

For a moment, he felt a surge of panic radiate through him.  That something was wrong.  That something was wrong with the baby.  

He felt guilty about not going to see a doctor.  In fact he had tried, many times.  Once his hand had rested on the door before he felt that cold sweat course through him.  He felt his throat close up.  

He had jerked away from the door as fast as he could.  It wasn’t until he was over two kilometers away that his heart slowed down.

As a result, the only thing he could go by was how much he was growing, which he definitely was.  He definitely looked pregnant as opposed to just bloated.  

As a result, he was frequently getting judgemental side glances whenever he was near other people.  

Even all these years, life forms were still critical.

He tried to ignore them as much as he could, but it was difficult.  He knew with his age, it would always be difficult.

He looked down at his swollen abdomen in the early morning light.

And he waited…

He didn’t have to wait long before he felt it again.

It was faint.  It felt like little butterfly flickers from deep inside his abdomen.  

His eyes widened when he realized what it was.  

His…

His and Bones’ baby’s kicks…

And it made it all so real.

Real enough to know that he was somewhere deep in the rainforest without a proper shelter…

Living by taking random jobs he could find while passing through the towns.

Where nothing was certain.  Every day was different.  

He couldn’t raise a baby like this.

He wrapped his arms protectively around his abdomen.  He fell back asleep to one thought in his mind.

That he had to do right by his unborn baby.

That he needed help.

And as he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep, one thought came to mind.

One place came to mind…


	4. Chapter 4

_Uncle James…_

The Kirk brother who wasn’t the war hero.  The one who people forgot about when the name Kirk was brought up in everyday conversation.

The other James Kirk…

The one Jim wasn’t named after…

The one who was overshadowed by his almost twenty-years younger brother.

The only family who saw Jim as Jim not a reminder of his father.  

Unfortunately, Uncle James was a bit of a recluse.  He had left Iowa when George Kirk was still in diapers and built a log cabin for himself in the mountains.

He rarely came to Riverside.  However there had been one summer, years ago, his mom was home for once.  She was feeling well and had taken him and Sam to visit Uncle James.

It had been one of the best summers of Jim’s life.  Uncle James had taken them fishing, riding, and hiking through the woods and mountains behind his vast expanse of land.

It had been a real summer vacation.

And most of all, his mom had been happy the whole time.

Even though that had been years ago, Jim had a good memory, so he remembered where his uncle lived.  It took him another four days to get there.

Four days of feeling the baby’s butterfly movements…

Of his abdomen growing and stretching to accommodate the tiny life inside of him…

Of knowing this was the right thing to do.

He reached his uncle’s ranch in the late afternoon.  The sun was still high in the sky on account of it being summer.  It was warm, bordering on hot.

It seemed even after all these years, Uncle James’ ranch didn’t change.  The cattle were grazing in the pasture. The pigs were lazing around. The chicken were plucking away at the ground.  The horses, Uncle James’ horses had always been a beauty, were running circles in the grass.

However the one thing was missing, Uncle James himself.

Jim couldn’t see him anywhere.

“Hey!”  

Jim turned to the voice.  It belonged to a young man with dark black hair and a pair of hazel eyes.  Jim felt his heart lurch for a moment. The man before him reminded him so much of Bones that it hurt.

He even looked to be about Bones’s age.  

He smiled at him as he hopped over the fence and then proceeded to jog over to him. “Are you lost, missy?”

“No, I’m looking for James Kirk.”

“Oh.”  His eyes widened.  Jim noticed the way his eyes lingered over his abdomen before quickly diverting away.  He put on a smile. “He’s in the barn. One of the mares is having her foal.”

Jim nodded.  He tightened his grip around the handlebars of his bike.

He didn’t have to do this.

He could leave.

He felt the baby kick at that moment.  Jim winced. His hand without thinking went to his abdomen.  The baby had a habit of doing _that_. Kicking him during moments of uncertainty, like it was saying ‘no’.  That he was being dumb.

Like Bones was here telling him he was being dumb.

“It might be a while.”  The man scratched the back of his neck.  “Would let you into the house, but the boss ain’t like that.”  

Jim nodded.  He doubted his uncle mentioned him or his family to his workers.  Even if he did, he didn’t even look like himself anymore, and he definitely didn’t want to explain what happened to him.

“I’ll wait.”

“Jacob, what you doing, man?” Another voice called.   “The sheep don’t cut themselves.”

The man, Jacob, muttered a curse word under his breath before calling out.  “Shut up, Danny. Helping this little lady.”

“Keep your dick in your pants, Jacob.  The boss don’t pay us to fool around.” The other voice, Danny, shouted.

Jim could make out the owner of the other voice now.  He was a bit startled when a man who looked exactly like Jacob came forward.  

He smiled at him before slapping Jacob on the back.  “You dog, Jacob.” He flashed Jim a smile. Jim felt his stomach churn.  “Why haven’t you shown her inside yet?”

“My baby brother is such a savage.”  Danny rolled his eyes as he truffled his brother’s hair.  Jacob scowled.

“We’re just ten minutes apart.”

“Ten glorious minutes of being a single child.”

Jim found himself chuckling despite the slight pain he felt.  It reminded him too much of his own older brother.

_Sam…_

“So Ms.?”

“Jane,” he answered automatically.

“Come on then, Jane.”  

He followed the two brothers to the house.  The same house he had spent that one summer with Sam and his mom all those years ago.

He pushed that thought aside as he walked inside.  The house still smelled the same.

The rustic, logs burning on the fireplace smell…

It made him feel safe.

That he had made the right choice.

“You’ll have to wait here.”  Danny said stopping him before he could step further than the foyer.  “We’re not even supposed to let you inside but…”

Jim said the way his glance slid to his abdomen.

Jim nodded.

“Need anything?”

“No,” he had kept them long enough.  “I’m good.” With that the brothers left.

Alone, Jim sat down on the floor.  His hand went to his abdomen. He rubbed his abdomen, feeling the baby move inside of him.

He must have dozed off at some point because the next thing he knew, he was awoken by a door swinging open and a man’s voice.

“Those boys…”

Jim looked up.  

He saw his uncle form as he walked inside.  He hadn’t seen him yet. He was still cursing. Jim stood up.  He must have made a sound cause his uncle turned to him at that moment.

“I ain’t…” The scowl on Uncle James’ face dropped as he saw Jim.  “Jimmy?”

It felt weird to be called that after being called Jane for so long even though he still thought of himself as Jim.

He nodded.

“What happened to you boy?”  He saw how his uncle’s eyes landed on his abdomen for a second before quickly looking away.  “What are you doing here? Does Winona know you’re here?”

Jim shook his head.  He wondered if his face betrayed him.  

His uncle sighed.  “I see. First George than you.” He wiped his hands on a towel.  “Don’t give me that look, Jimmy. Of course I know George ran away, and you crashed your old man’s car into the quarry.”

Jim opened his mouth to protest.

“And you probably have a good reason.”  He threw down the towel he has been holding.  “What am I going to do with you, Jimmy?”

He looked at him.

“You know I don’t like complicated and this, you, and that…” He pointed to his swollen abdomen, “is all complicated.”

He scratched his neck for a second before his face softened.  “But you’re family, us Kirks are all sort of complicated aren’t we?”

Jim smiled.

“Yeah.”

 

XXXXXXXXXX

 

Uncle James slid him a plate of dinner, roasted beef and mashed potatoes.  

“So you go by Jane now?”

Jim looked up.

He forgot he told the brothers his name, naturally they would have told his uncle about him.  He worried his lip not knowing what to say.

“Ain’t going to ask.”  His uncle held up his hand.  “You got your reasons. Probably got a reason for a lot of things.”

Jim knew he was talking about the baby.

“But Winona…”

“She don’t care about me.”

He wondered if his uncle looked sad for a moment.  Or maybe angry.

It was a mix of emotions.

There usually was when it involved his parents.

Both of them…

His uncle picked up his fork.  “You want to stay don’t you?”

His uncle always had a way of reading people.  Someone once told him it was a Kirk talent.

Jim nodded.

His uncle sighed.

“I can work.”

His uncle blinked.

“I grew up on a farm.  I know how to handle farm animals.”

His uncle blinked.

“I can.”

His uncle sighed.  “What am I going to do with you?”

“Let me stay?”

“Okay.” There was a fond smile on his uncle’s face.  “You can close that mouth of yours.”

Jim did, not realizing it had been open to begin with.  He had been planning a speech of how he could be helpful not expecting his uncle would give in so easily.

“Now eat up.”

Jim nodded, digging into his dinner.

His uncle showed him what would be his room for as long as he wanted.  It was a small corner storage room on the second floor. They moved aside a few of the boxes to expose a musty old fold out couch.

“We’ll get you a bed tomorrow and … some clothes.”  He looked at him again.

Jim looked away.

“You can’t work in those rags.”  His uncle grunted. “The bathroom is down the hall.  There are towels and blankets behind the door to the left. Need anything else?”

Jim shook his head.  

“Good night.”

“‘Night.”  Jim watched his uncle exit.  He sighed, his hand going towards his abdomen, where the baby was.  In the moonlight, he could make out his form reflected in the glass panel.

The form of young pregnant girl with a dirty face and raggedly clothes...

But he would be okay…

‘ _No_ ’, he amended.

They would be okay.  Let always, like the baby could read his mind, it kicked like it agreed with him.


End file.
